Ways to Overcome Resistance to Change and Self Sabotage

Embrace Change
The only one stopping you…just might be…YOU!

Here are some ways to Overcome Resistance to Change & Self – Sabotage

Do you ever find yourself starting projects only to leave them unfinished?

Why is it that we have difficulty finishing things we start? Is it boredom? Maybe we feel stuck and choose to quit instead working through to a solution? When we are working on creating change in important parts of our lives, it is not surprising if we are dealing with some resistance to the changes. So, what exactly is resistance?

Resistance is a feeling we get when things are about to change. While you are going through this process, we want you to be aware of some of the different feelings and thoughts you may experience and how to work through them. Resistance to change comes in many forms.

The first few sessions, like anything new we are excited, and we do everything the way we are supposed to. Then something from life hits, it throws us off balance and we might find ourselves saying “Maybe this is not for me”, or “I can’t do this now, I can’t think.” Or we use other delaying tactics like “As soon as I get through with ____.” Some familiar forms of resistance “I’ll do it later.” Or “this is not the right time.” Whenever you find yourself using reasons not to move forward, it is because you are demonstrating some form of resistance to change.

We have to be open to change, or we will always be finding a reason not to do something that would benefit us. We would always prefer other people to change – not us. If we keep doing the same thing over and over, we will always get what we’ve always gotten. If we want to have different things show up in our lives, we first have to be open to and willing to change. Sometimes we demonstrate resistance because we don’t know “how” to change. We may become impatient because unless we can figure out exactly what kind of change is coming, and how we will feel about it, we simply opt for doing nothing because it seems safer. Impatience is another form of resistance. It is resistance to learning and to changing. When we demand that it be done now, completed at once, then we don’t give ourselves time to learn the lesson involved with the problem we have created. This is why diets can be effective initially – because they are able to demonstrate results quickly. That satisfies us and eliminates temporary resistance. However, since we didn’t take the time to learn about ourselves, and to deal with the reasons why we eat when we are not hungry, soon the weight comes back on.

Resistance to change can come in the form of Fear – “I’m not ready yet, I might fail,” Or in Denial – “I can’t do anything about this problem,” or Delaying tactics – “The time isn’t right. Or, “As soon as I get through with ____.” Some of us have a streak of stubbornness within us. If we decide to do something differently, the stubbornness can surface and our resistance to changing our thinking is strong. We may temporarily become self-righteous, angry and withdrawn.

So what can we do to move through the resistance?….

Stand in front of your mirror and look into your eyes as you say 3-4 times:

“I am open to change”

Did you feel any tightness in your throat? Was it difficult or easy to say? If you felt like it just didn’t feel right in your gut, than ask yourself what the resistance is about. Then say in the mirror 3 – 4 times:

“I am open to release the need for the resistance”

Whenever you find yourself questioning if you should continue, or if this is right for you, just allow yourself to see it for what it really is, and simply tell yourself that you are willing to change, and willing to release all resistance. The Universe supports us in every thought we choose to think. If we think we can’t – we can’t. Act as if you believe this is the best thing for you at this time and your life. Give yourself the gift of patience and love – you will get positive results!


Set Yourself Free From Irrational Thoughts and Negative Self Talk!

Don't let yourself become a prisoner of irrational thoughts.

How to Combat Irrational Thought Patterns

Understanding The Feedback Loop:

  1. An environmental event happens
  2. Cognitions, perceptions (sensory input) We take in the event.
  3. Interpretation self talk (irrational ideas) How we communicate within ourselves about the situation.
  4. Emotional-physical system How we feel and respond to the event.

Sarah works at a coffee shop. Her coworker doesn’t show up for work, and now she is alone during the morning rush. The line is very long, people are starting to grumble, some even complain, she begins to stress and make mistake. Customers are more frustrated and she just starts beating herself up. I can’t believe I can’t get these orders right. There must be something wrong with me; I can’t believe people are being so mean. I’m not good at anything.  All my hard work and efforts always goes unappreciated. When there is finally a break in the customers coming in, she starts to feel depressed, angry, and resentful.

Recognizing Irrational Self Talk:

Awfulizing and Absolutize: If you awfulize, you are always making things into a catastrophe, nightmare, and fear the unthinkable. The emotions that follow awfulizing, tend to be awful and your interpretation of the world.  If you absolutize you use words like should, must, ought, always, never. You feel things have to be a certain way. Any deviation from that standard is bad. If someone doesn’t live up to the standard, then they must be bad.

Irrational Thoughts:

  1. It s is absolutely necessary for adults to have love and approval from adults that are part of their personal life.
  2. I must be perfect and completely competent in all that I undertake.
  3. It is horrible when people or things are not the way I would like them to be.
  4. External Events cause most human unhappiness, people just respond to their environments.
  5. Fear and anxiety are expected when something is unknown, uncertain, or potentially dangerous.
  6. It is easier to avoid life’s difficulties and responsibilities than to deal with them.
  7. I need something stronger than myself to depend on.
  8. The past has a lot to do with the present.
  9. Happiness can come from inaction, being passive, and relaxing endlessly.
  10. I am helpless and have no control over what I experience or feel.
  11. People should be treated as fragile, because they are.
  12. Good relationships are based on mutual sacrifice and a focus on giving.
  13. If you don’t take good care of others they will abandon or reject you.
  14. If people disapprove of me, it must mean I am bad or wrong.
  15. Being alone is terrible.
  16. There are perfect relationships.
  17. I shouldn’t have to feel pain, I’m entitled to a good life.
  18. My self-worth depends on how much I earn and produce.
  19. Anger is wrong.
  20. It is bad to be selfish.

What are other irrational thoughts you may feel? _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tools and Rules to Foster Rational Thinking

  1. It doesn’t do anything to me. / We feel the way we think. The situation doesn’t create the feelings, the self talk does.
  2. Everything is exactly the way it should be. Trust you are on your life’s path and learning the lesson you need to in each moment.
  3. All humans make mistakes. Set yourself up with realistic expectations. We are human not machines.
  4. It takes two to have a conflict. Each person has to contribute something for a disagreement to continue.
  5. The origination of an argument doesn’t matter. How you move forward from here is the key.

Personal Growth Exercises:

Write Down the Initial Event

  1. What are the Rational Ideas
  2. What are the Irrational Ideas
  3. What are the Consequences of Irrational Ideas
  4. Dispute and Challenge the Irrational Ideas

Select the irrational idea

  1. Is there rational support for the idea?
  2. What evidence is there of the falseness of the idea?
  3. Is there evidence of the truth of the idea?
  4. What is the worst thing that could happen to me?
  5. What good things might occur?

For each irrational thought you listed, write down two alternative thoughts or emotions regarding your situation.